old entries.

yesterday i decided to check out my xanga site, only because i haven't touched it since 2005.

i decided to start reading from the oldest post and work my way up. i couldn't believe how much i've changed since 2003. i was young, very naive, deeply obsessed, and way over myself to think that i was in love.

what was i to know? i was only 21. what kind of experiences did i go through before then? when you are at that age, you think you are "adult" enough to know what you are doing, when really, you don't. i'm 25 (going on 26 in a few days, ugh), and i don't think i have enough knowledge or experience to say, "i know what i'm doing." BUT... i do learn from my mistakes to tell myself, "i've done this before, let's or let's not do it again."

i believe my relationship with jason, thus this far, is a big improvement from whom i was in the past. i've learn to trust. i've learn to be patient. i've learn not to be THAT needy in a relationship. my life has become carefree and unstressful now than when i use to worry and pointing fingers to find someone to blame for my anger.

i'm not too sure what brought me to reading my old site, but i've decided to get rid of it because the past is the past. there's no need to go back to it when the memories that count the most are stored safely in my head.

birthday month.

this month is the busiest month out of the year. i'd like to call it, "birthday month." i guess everyone's mamas decided to give birth during this month. thus this far, i've wished 4 people "happy birthday", at least attended 2 birthday parties, i've got one tonight and one tomorrow, and i've got mine and one other birthday next week. the only non-birthday i've got going this month is my brother's graduation. whew.

having your birthday during "birthday month" has its pros and cons. i love birthdays, but "birthday month" puts a hole in my wallet. i'm waiting for my birthday to come around the corner just so i can get birthday money to replenish my wallet.

i am a little sad that not a lot of people can make it to my birthday party on thursday, but what can you do, it is "birthday month." i should be dreading my birthday anyway, getting old should not be something to be happy about.

ugh. thinking about it is starting to depress me.

my car.

my car decided to break after being serviced on wednesday. i'm a little disappointed, a little sad, but majority of it is angsty and pissy.

i took my car in to a mam&pap shop a few exits away from my parent's house on wednesday to get it serviced for my 90k mileage. i've taken my car there for years, so i trust them very well (and it's not them i blame for my anger and frustration). i drop it off at around noon-ish and waited for them to call me to pick it up. they called me at around 4:45 to let me know that my car is ready and i could come down and pick it up. i get there and see that my car is still in the garage. the nice and sweet receptionist tells me that the mechanics are doing some last minute check up's to make sure my car was good to go. i wait about 15 minutes, and she tells me that the mechanics said that my emergency brake light won't turn off... great... she told me that the "expert" technician left already and they were closing. she says, "bring it back tomorrow or when you can and we can determine the problem."

so, i take my car home. my car is yelling at me throughout the ride home because it thinks the emergency brake is on. as i exit the 54, the EPC light turns on... great again... same ass problem as i had before vw had that recall on the brake light switch... ugh. 

the next day, i take my car back to have them take a look at my car. they did a diagnostic test and said it has something to do with the brake light switch. it took them, not once, not twice, but 3 times for them to replace the brake light switch and that STILL did not fix the problem. at this time, i was already searching for a new car, i've missed a whole day of work to find out that they can't fix it, and i HAVE to take it to the dealership to get it fixed. they stated that i shouldn't get charged for the problem because it has something to do with the recall on the brake light switch.

as much as i hate going to the dealership, i took it in, the service department was already closed... damnit... the assistant service manager said that they can take it in and fix it the next morning. i told him EXACTLY what was wrong with it and how much it was going to cost me. he said, "nothing. it's part of the recall." i was relieved and went home feeling good.

friday. i go to school, run some errands, and at around noon i decide to call to see if my car was ready. they said it was and it was ready to picked up. i get my brother to take me to the dealership to get my car. i grab my keys from the receptionist/cashier, go to my car, turn my car on, and the emergency brake light AND the EPC light was still on!! wtf?! i go back inside to the service office/department and told the assistant service manager, "um. my car isn't fixed. the emergency brake and EPC light is still on." the guy looks at me like he didn't know what the hell i was talking about. he goes and grabs my paperwork on my car and reads the notes, "oh yea, your car has an electrical problem, and for us to do a diagnostic test, it will cost you $95. then when we find the problem it can cost more depending on what the problem is." oh my freakin' goodness, this isn't happening... so i told him, "okay fine. fix it then and tell me what the problem is." he gives me this look like i'm crazy to say that and tells me, "we can't do it today, we're booked. can you make an appointment for monday or tuesday?" at this point, i'm already ready to scream. i told him that i didn't have time to do this, that i needed my car, and to give me his card and will call him after i was done being frustrated.

i never called him. my car is cleaned out (i found so many things that jason and i thought we lost!) and sitting in the driveway of my parents' house. i've got my options open to purchase a new car, a 2008 or 2009 ford escape hybrid to be exact. as much as i love my little red beetle, it has cost me way to much money to fix it, for the SAME damn problem. good-bye my little red beetle, you've been good to me, but your problems are too much for me.

japanese culture.

i LOVE the japanese culture. they have an unique sense of fashion, delicious food, relaxed and proper lifestyle, and the country is VERY beautiful. that is the majority of the reason that i'm learning the language. one day, i'd just like to visit the country and explore.

today in japanese class, we had japanese students from ぎふしりつじょしたんきだいがく (gihushiritsu joshi tankidaigaku) come in and we practiced speaking to each other; the japanese students speaking english and my classmates and i speaking japanese.

i was deeply mesmerized by their every move, how they talked, walked, and sat there watching us learn.  I paid close  attention when they did a presentation on japanese cartoons. i forgot how great the animation was, which brings me to going home, going on the computer, and researching everything japanese. from fashion to toys, i wish i was in japan shopping!

it caught my eye when i started researching on bento box lunches. i want to start cooking anything just to put food in those boxes. i wanted to go to the japanese marketplace in clairemont, mitsuwa (みつわ). i’ve never shopped at mitsuwa, i’ve always shopped at 99 cent ranch, usually for groceries, but i’ve always wanted to purchase random japanese merchandise.

one day, just one day, i’ll be able to travel the world and be able to get a culture shock of other nationalities. 

my thoughts.

i haven't posted a blog in a very long time. decided it was time to start it up again, just to put all my thoughts somewhere. i'm hoping to upgrade this website once i'm finished with school; i really need to start brushing up on my html and hopefully i remember how to work dreamweaver...

today, my thoughts are oddly on a weird subject. painful break-up's, broken hearts, lost loves, and well, you get the point.

i'm not too sure what came about this subject or why it did, but the thought of it terrifies me and probably to many people. i suppose the thought came about when i was reading another blog (will keep annonomous) and someone's facebook (will also keep annonomous). reading their pain, hurt, and confusion brought back BAD memories. i wanted so much to email them and tell them that they will get through this and all they needed to go out and get their minds off things, but how could i when i was once in that same position? all i know is that time does heal, but sometimes, even with time, some places in your heart just don't heal for awhile and you are left with hoping that the pain can be hidden with a smile. i've got to admit, there were a few places in my heart that just wouldn't heal for a few years and it took me a lot to find ways to get rid of them.

i don't want to say that you'll never heal, you can be that person that can heal within 24 hours, others could take years. it's depending on how long YOU decide to take to heal. the next question is, what do you do within all this time? well, that's all up to you. everyone will tell you that you need to get out, spend time with you friends, meet new people, go watch a movie, etc. don't get me wrong, all those ideas are great ideas, but it's up to how you feel about getting yourself to do those activities. you may want to stay home and cry it out for a few days and re-cooperate before you can yourself up and out.  i found many hobbies to try to get my mind off things, i believe crocheting was a good hobby to pick up at the time. going out with my friends during the day helped a lot, but the nights were the hardest. but as time progressed and i was out daily, i learned from my mistakes and moved on.

i know the first day is the hardest day to go through, but as time progresses, things WILL get better. all you got to do is find a way to pass the time.